In my previous post I wrote about my first Rule of a Lady (being classy) and I pointed out WHY one should be classy. Now I will tell you HOW to be classy with these 5 essential ingredients to make you a high quality woman.
A classy woman is a woman with a high sense of self-worth. You cannot be classy unless you believe you are high class; you have to start believing you are top stuff. A high quality woman is a woman of value and a woman of value is someone who values herself and others.
I believe that high self-worth comes from knowing you are worthy, and one way to know, and feel, with certainty that you are worthy is by doing enough, accomplishing enough, and giving enough, to yourself and others. This will leave you with little choice but to give yourself outmost respect.
A first step in acknowledging and accessing your worth, value, and sense of fulfilment, is to take an honest personal assessment. An assessment of who you are and where you stand is vital to your ability to function freely in the world. By assessing and recognizing your abilities, you validate yourself, and you need to be able to do that before anyone else can validate you.
Without personal awareness of your abilities, goals and challenges, you might lose sight of your choices. Resist the urge to accept out-of-hand what society dictates, and you will experience an enormous sense of freedom. You do have options in life; you just need to be willing to use them.
When you recognize your innate worth, you are more inclined to strive to fulfil your potential, and having done that, you will be happy. Women who are successful exude a sense of confidence in themselves. They realize that they are the directors of their own destinies, and therefore take a positive stance as they look forward. They are classy.
Elegance is the manner in which a woman carries her self in just about every situation. Elegance is in her voice, movement and body language, manner of speech, the way she stands sits, and responds to other people around her. Some of these traits, such as voice, and a walk – are part of our nature, while other elements of elegance, such as our interpersonal skills are strongly linked to our upbringing. Other qualities are acquired through habit or from friends and not all of them can be altered. This is where etiquette and posture comes in.
Observing women who are known to be classy (whether on television or in real life), paying attention and trying to identify the specific elements of the behaviour and actions that make them stand out and come across as more classy will take any woman who is willing to become more classy a long way toward that goal. It might be something as small and seemingly insignificant as a laughter of an actress that you would notice in a woman that strikes you as so soft, feminine and attractive
However, when it comes to elegance and class, there is no such thing as small and insignificant. After all. being classy is a sum of many, many elements of one’s personality, behaviour, and actions, some of which are more obvious than others, but all of which are essential for the “total package” to be considered elegant and classy.
Be kind, thoughtful, and considerate, and treat everyone as your equal. Speak to the janitor, waiter, hotel receptionist, ambassador, and CEO as your equals. Always be polite, unhurried, undemanding, and friendly. Don’t try to impress, and do not elevate your self. Have one manner for all.
Praise others. Pride makes us envious or resentful of another’s talents. The surest way to break that is to compliment others. Don’t pass up an opportunity. Help others succeed. Few things attack the ego quite as much as helping others succeed. Pride hoards knowledge and resources; humility shares them. Admit your mistakes. Ugh. Nobody likes doing this, but the quicker you’re willing to say “I was wrong” the closer you are to humility. Learn from others. This is another way to appreciate the value of others. When you acknowledge that they have advanced beyond you, you humble yourself.
This is a must-do for anyone learning how to be classy. Only average and very common people save their best manners for someone more important than them.
There is no way around it – perceived class has little weight and value if the person behind it has no interesting thoughts, opinions, views or observations. Being class requires an ability to share and challenge ideas and be an engaging company.
Make an effort to be interested in matters outside yourself. Read books, get an education, travel and expand your horizons, and enjoy it. All this will develop your mind and character and will increase understanding of others. Plus you will gain great personal satisfaction from it.
This point is also about refining yourself through appearance. You cannot be classy unless you are true to yourself, so stay true to your feminine core and be OK being a woman. Don’t view having long hair as a drag, put the effort in to looking pretty and beautiful – women are supposed to look and more importantly, be attractive. This is only going to happen when you exude femininity, however.
It’s not about wanting to change what you’ve been given, or being superficial, it’s simply about taking pride in your femininity and your appearance. Using makeup and fashion only to enhance your beauty.
Also, Aging is not an issue for a classy woman. Age can and often does do wonderful things for a woman – including giving her added class, if she loves herself.
Contrary to popular belief, being classy and elegant isn’t about “self-control” or holding things in. There is nothing classy about faking happiness or other emotions. Nothing. No, in fact, authenticity is what’s classy.
Always be authentic. You could have had a big issue with your best friend, you could be down about losing your job, or just life’s problems, and that is all fine – as long as you are authentic. You can be grieving, or experiencing emotional suffering, and still be classy. All you have to do is acknowledge the pain, perhaps share your feelings with others, but still hold yourself with grace and poise.
To actually be authentic, you must value being authentic more than you value having another kind of ‘identity’. This identity problem consumes a lot of us. For example, a lot of women are actually feeling hurt at a given time but pretend to be the happy mother, friend or girlfriend/wife, because they don’t want to have the identity of being silly or overly sensitive because we tend to look down on a woman’s natural and biological gift of emotions – and our ability to feel these emotions for an extended period of time.
Secretly, deep down (behind the masks that many of us put up) I think we all prefer to be around what is real. In the old days, it was a lot about ‘show’ and keeping ‘face’. Now, things are becoming more transparent. We all yearn for having people who are real in our lives, we yearn of authenticity.